I used to “suck it in” as I would say, before “Church” started. I was always wondering—what was it going to be like today? Challenging each other (or being challenged) became the main focus—which was not “Church.” It was destructive and detrimental as a whole. I did not want to be a quitter, but there was also the fear of what would my life be like if I left and fear of not having God in my life if I left–because that is what we were told. For me it took more courage to leave than to stay in the end.