Challenging O.I.

Questions & Answers

In sharing your story, you become a beacon of hope for others who may be facing similar challenges.

Answers have been submitted by those formerly associated with Outreach International

Click on the questions you would like to see the answers to.

I was emotionally exhausted and spiritually disoriented. Leaving OI felt like stepping out of a fog—one that had dulled my instincts and eroded my confidence in regards to my relationship with God. I had internalized so much criticism and control that I questioned my own worth and decisions. The sense of isolation was profound, especially since I didn’t have family within the group. I felt broken, like I had been reshaped to fit someone else’s mold, and now I was trying to remember who I truly was. I was completly alone and broken.

I felt totally battered and bruised, like I had a big gaping whole in my side. Like I had been ripped open. After many years in OI what has happened I asked myself many times, why has it become the way it has? Feeling for the ones still in OI. We were all indoctrinated with one person’s propaganda and ideology of ideas that destroyed many people along the way.

After months of emotional stress taking the decision to leave an immense sense of relief I was finally free.

When I left OI it was the bravest and scariest thing I ever did, but I didn’t feel brave. I had been depressed for years in this controlling, spiritually abusive group. I thought I was where God wanted and needed me. I had been called to this group. I hadn’t come this far to walk away and not “finish the race”. After 40 years of being told so many contradictions:-
I wasn’t good enough yet God’s chosen one.
I needed to believe in God, not myself. I can’t trust my own perspectives.
Ignore my emotions, they are just my humanity. Emotionally invest in my faith and those in the group
Be God’s lover, but distance my family and friends not in OI
Follow the Christian teachings and examples of the Leaders~ HUGE contradiction!
Only invest your money in OI Leadership- God will look after you in your old age. Seriously!?!
Better stop here and back to the question…

My tipping point came after yet another meeting of close scrutiny and criticism, humiliation and degrading noise from the group, I snapped. That’s it. I’m done’ I NEVER WANT TO GO TO ANOTHER OI MEETING. EVEEEEEEER!
Despite the relief of deciding never to attend OI again, I knew I HAD to write an explanatory email to everyone and receive the cruel, dismissive, exit responses which would right me off forever. Then I had to tell family members who were still in. Pure dread. I keep thinking, “I’m with the Devil now”. Really? I felt shit, but I still behaved like a decent human being. I went to a psychologist who diagnosed me with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and something called Catholic guilt, because I didn’t think I deserved to be happy or enjoy anything in life. No music, laughter, fun, sunshine, joy or pleasure in any past time.
I would go to sleep crying and wake up crying.
I had moved away from what I sold myself to, but I didn’t miss being lectured, told off, scorned and not believed in.
All the friendships I had invested in for years, that I thought were unconditional- turned out they were. All conditional on me staying in OI. I was shattered. I felt alone, deserted, a failure, spiritually dead and completely in denial that OI was a cult because what would that say about me.

My emotional state was poor. I had invested my life in this organisation but could no longer tolerate their abusive and coercive control. Hurt, sad, angry, let down, misunderstood and picked on, but with a freedom and a sense of relief. I felt that I had my life back and could truly be myself without seeking approval from the leaders and people around me. Still, I knew I left the group out of strength and integrity, not weakness.

It wrecked me. I curled up on the bathroom floor and sobbed. The relationships (which were like family) were over—and not because I wanted them to be. It’s not natural and it’s something I’m prone to think about, rehash and question. God does not teach or promote excommunication. He hasn’t designed us to execute it or be subject to it (rather, Jesus tells us to LOVE our enemies….assuming they see me or others as that).

I was invited to attend OI by some friends and I loved it at the beginning. They were very welcoming and were all lovely people. I loved that they had a lot of activities and I loved the leaders in my location. I felt at home in OI, and after a few years, I was challenged by God to move to a new location. I was excited at the opportunity and was hopeful that the same sense of belonging and purpose would continue. For a time, it did. I stayed because I genuinely believed in the mission and wanted to grow spiritually and serve others. There were moments of joy, connection, and deep faith that kept me going

In the beginning I loved being in OI. In the later years of being in OI, many changes started to take place. It was subtle at first but then became full on abuse.

I really didn’t enjoy being in the “Church.” I use the word Church, for OI loosely. I didn’t like being there at all and would take a deep breath, where it became like a license ( green light) to challenge someone without any real proof or evidence (it was unfounded). One person used the word often he had a hunch about something. This was very destructive for a person’s well being and when there is room full of hyenas gnashing their teeth, you would feel relief it wasn’t your turn to be challenged.

There were so many ugly things happening and people were getting hurt emotionally. It was distressing wondering who was going to be in the Hot Seat on any given day. It was under the guise of Purifying the Bride. Challenging each other, became the norm, sanctioned from the Head, Tony Kostas.

I stayed in OI because I feared What If? Meaning we were under coercive control, the doctrine was all fear driven. If someone left, you would be walking away from God. Till I realised, when I did leave I was going and taking God with me, leaving OI behind.

Many people were excommunicated & asked to leave, which was a devastating thing to witness. I realised also, what Church closes for Easter and Christmas services? I cried the very first Easter and Christmas services in the Church we now attend. I began to realise, we missed out on the very meaning of Easter and Christmas services and the true meaning of what those times were about. Being in OI, for many years it closed and took a break for the most important times of the year!

Fear kept me going till we found the courage to leave.

I liked the relaxed natural non ‘churchy ‘feel.

Strong sense of belonging common identity and growing community with shared commitment to loving God which provided deep sense of purpose and meaning.

at first it seemed what I thought a church should be , friendly, kind and living your whole life with God not just sundays

I fell in love with someone already in OI. They had a spiritual life that I connected with. I loved everything about them. I found out years later that had I not joined OI, they were advised to end the relationship. Initially, I loved the friendships. The people seemed my kind of people, They loved God. They loved each other. Social times were especially enjoyable and I thought I had found my group of like minded people. When I joined the leaders were called pastors and they gave up their vocations to be totally supported by the group, being 100% available to us and “Laying down their lives for us”. The coercive control came in small waves and I really wanted to live my life for God. I was told being submissive to OI authority was how I pleased God.
I continued to devote myself to OI, despite my misgivings, questions, objections, because I knew it would end my marriage and I would be rejected by all the people I had become close to. I mistakenly thought I was doing the best thing for my kids. How wrong I was.

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Dear ME, I see you—full of hope, eager to serve, and deeply moved by the kindness of those around you. You’re chasing connection, purpose, and a place to belong. That’s beautiful. But I need you to know something important: your worth is not measured by how well you fit someone else’s mold.
You are allowed to question. You are allowed to choose. You are allowed to be loved without conditions.
When things start to feel heavy, when the joy fades and the pressure builds, listen to that quiet voice inside. It’s not rebellion—it’s wisdom. You don’t have to earn your place by sacrificing your peace. You are already enough.
There will be pain, yes. But there will also be healing. You will find your voice again. You will build a life rooted in freedom, compassion, and truth. And you’ll help others do the same.
Hold on to your softness. It’s your strength.”

I would say listen to your instincts and act on them to leave sooner rather than later. However it wasn’t that simple as it involved the whole family.

I would say no to things I felt uncomfortable with at the time but continued to comply with because of false notions of loyalty to the leader and implied submission and supporting community cohesion

I felt it was good in the beginning. But subtle changes were happening. I always believed that we were not the only ones out there, there had to be others out there who were also living for God? We were not the Exclusive Ones as we were led to believe.

Believe in yourself. Your instincts are right. You don’t have to be miserable to please God. OI’s version of love is NOT LOVE. OI challenges are not loving and supportive. They are soul crushing and destructive. The OI Leaders are using you and your money to maintain a lifestyle of selfish entitlement. You are being used. Your family is being brainwashed.

I’d like to say be more curious, braver to speak up and ask more questions, yet I know if I was, I’d have been squashed down and challenged to conform, or leave. I was told to ‘just be yourself’ but when I was, it ended up in tears. I would like to say you people are free to believe what you want to believe, but do not tell me what I should believe. Just because you believe you are special, does not mean you are special. They talk of love and making a difference but they don’t mention the leader’s control or the sacrifice. I would tell myself to get out now.

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Positive Impressions (Early Experience)
Welcoming community, Spiritually engaging, Active and vibrant, Supportive friendships, Structured environment, Sense of belonging.
Later Experience (After Relocation)
Emotionally controlling, Spiritually manipulative, Rigid expectations, Conditional acceptance, Isolating, Hierarchical, Loss of autonomy, Masked dysfunction, Appearance over authenticity.

Coercive control through fear of being disloyal to the leader’s directions.

controlling, arrogant, mean, money focussed, not loving

Coercive, manipulative, abuse of power over people, UnGodly, loveless. A Cult, outsiders weren’t welcome, A man made Church! No Bible School training from any of the Pastor’s!

Tony and Simon Kostas Cult
An Absolute Spiritual Ripoff
An Abusive Group- spiritually, emotionally, socially abusive
Leaders are and encourage others to be manipulative, cruel, hurtful
OI encourages public and private systematic breaking down of members self worth
Opposite of love
Kostas Family Cult
Duplicitous, evil, deceptive, insidious, devious, judgmental
Should be exposed

On the surface, a loving tight knit group that are devoted to God. In reality, delusional, a self belief that they are married to Jesus and a special unique people to God. They see themselves are being married to Jesus and integral in realising God’s Kingdom. They believe in the ‘scattering’ or ‘dispersing’ going to other churches/people around the world to fulfil their mission to search and find Gods ‘lost sheep’. I still fail to see how the ‘harvest’, whereby people will flock to God and OI, will attract people to such a self-destructive group. An awful lot of awful!

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Emotional unraveling: I felt broken and confused. The constant control had left me doubting my own instincts and worth.
Grief and loss: I mourned the friendships, the sense of belonging, and the version of myself that had once felt at home there.
Freedom with fear: Leaving gave me space to breathe, but also brought anxiety. I had to relearn how to make choices for myself.
Rebuilding identity: I began rediscovering who I was outside of OI—my values, my voice, my autonomy.
Spiritual healing: My relationship with God shifted. I had to separate faith from fear, and find comfort in grace rather than performance.
Loneliness and isolation: Without the community, I felt alone.

Excommunication. Character assassination . Loss of all the years we had given to OI knowing now we no longer existed to them.

But also a new freedom to make choices and decisions without referencing the leader and a new sense of personal responsibility that accompanied that freedom.

Freedom to explore a new life and also a sense of aloneness in doing just that mixed with a sense of new adventure and challenge.

I was actually relieved when I left as I was the only one of my family that was left going, I also realised that I had been believing a lie as I thought that bad things would happened if I left and therefore turned my back on God according to OI teachings but of course nothing happened

Feeling abandoned, cut off, lonely, my whole life was OI, not so nice emails and phone calls. Asking what would my life be like now! To be totally cut of from the only thing you knew, lived and breathed, was like a death, the Grief and Loss was totally unexpected. Having to find my way through the maze and to find a new way of life was an unimaginable journey.

If you leave, members sacrifice you. Cut you out of their lives. YOU walked away from them. I now have close friendships with people who accept and appreciate me, knowing I was in a Christian cult. I reflect on my time in OI and know I am not alone and am supported by those who have also left and people who are worth investing in.
Restoring loving relationships with my immediate family has meant the world to me.
I reclaimed my freedom to choose what I want to do in my life.
Time was a huge gift I now had. Loooong Sunday and Wednesday night meetings, reading endless emails, prophesies, correspondence, newsletters, socializing and hosting OIers, all kept me very time poor and tired. I got my Sundays back.
Money…. got my mortgage paid off in no time. Giving 20-25% to Leaders, plus paying for their overseas holidays, blessing them with ‘Faith Initiative Giving’ (a practice of pledging money to God/Leaders, giving funds on credit, then trusting God would ‘make it up to you’). Kept me in debt for years, because I was always under pressure to ‘give’ money.
My spiritual life has expanded beyond what I had been told and I now have no fear of God, or dying, or eternal damnation. Of those in OI, they hold no power over me.
It took awhile, but I got my voice back.
Now, I am free to reason, to wander, to question and to experience my life’s journey, finding my own truths.
Slowly, I got my life back!!!

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Mostly no. As it’s only if they are considering leaving or asking questions that OI members would have any contact. We have found with friendships we have with others who have left, if those who have left still have family in OI the OI members are more tolerant with those ex members than those who now have no family links to OI . It’s still a sadness to me that people I knew and loved and thought they felt the same to me , could let go completely of the close friendship we once shared.

No I do not because the OI people have been told that they should not associate with us. All attempts to maintain friendships were unsuccessful.

When I left I remained friends with a few couples who have all since left and whom I still keep in touch with

I see ex members from time to time, relationships are not the same. I see the hurt and pain, as they don’t like to talk about what they went through. You see the destruction and devastation and toll it has taken on various ones. One friend I met said to me how could have we been so stupid to be sucked into all the things that went on? She had tears in her eyes when she said it. Feelings none can deny.

No My best friend ever totally rejected me in a heartless way when I left.
I am not friendly with anyone in OI except family members who remain. Those family relationships are strained and difficult, but I won’t give up on them.

I would like to, but it is not reciprocated. What church discards you like this? Only cult-like groups. I continue to hear of life-long friends being ‘dumped’ if they leave OI. This is a part of ‘tough love’ they preach.

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Authoritarian control: Leadership often dictated personal choices—where members lived, who they associated with, and how they expressed themselves.
Emotional manipulation: Guilt, fear, and spiritual pressure were used to enforce obedience and suppress dissent.
Isolation: As a member without family in the group, I felt especially vulnerable, often cut off from outside support.
Conditional love: Acceptance was tied to compliance. Questioning the culture or leadership risked punishment or exclusion.
Loss of autonomy: Over time, I felt I was no longer living my own life, but fulfilling someone else’s vision of who I should be.

Conforming, authoritarian

Controlling culture demanding of your undivided loyalty. Which leads to non thinking subservience and loss of personal responsibility

all encompassing, toxic and very controlling and isolating, they are a divider of families and isolate them from each other, the leaders live the high life being very well off financially

The Culture of OI will never be a healthy, thriving “Church” as there is a lot of water under the bridge and they can never erase the damage that was done to many people if they did not tow the line. People I believe are very blinded to the man Tony Kostas who I believe now was a devil in sheep’s clothing. Finances were given under the pretence of giving to God but it was Tony and his band of men who got the money. Outreach International is not the words to describe them as we never Outreached to anyone outside of OI.

Controlling
Misogynistic
Pure deception
Love bombing to conditional love to coercive control of your life under the guise of Christianity

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Yes, I did question the culture of OI. There were moments when things didn’t sit right with me—when the control felt excessive, or the expectations felt more about obedience than spiritual growth. I brought those concerns to leadership, hoping for dialogue or understanding.
But I was told it wasn’t my place to question. Instead, I was reminded that my role was to follow instructions and do what was expected of me. My voice was dismissed, and my concerns were reframed as disobedience. It was a painful moment of clarity—realizing that the culture didn’t allow space for honest reflection or personal autonomy.
That response deepened my sense of isolation. It confirmed that the structure was not built on mutual respect, but on control. And it marked the beginning of my journey toward reclaiming my voice and leaving that environment behind.

I did speak up but was not listened to and told by the leader I thought too much and was a difficult person. I remember a number of times questioning Tony about OI’s s sense of justice in getting around tax loopholes, and told it was a sign of my lack of faith. He was never interested in my wider reading and curiosity about other Christian movements and told me ‘all I needed was to listen to him and read his books.’

Yes I did on a number of occasions and received shaming and abuse and rage from Tony and disapproval from others all designed to make me conform and be quiet.

You could not question or challenge anything in OI. For fear of being excommunicated. Looking back in the end of my time, it became abusive, controlling, along with aggression if they didn’t agree with what you said.

Yes, I questioned Pastors/Directors/Leaders in my early years in OI. Let’s just say it did not go down well. Any query or question came back on me like a ton of bricks. These ‘Men of God’ were so insecure, indignant and full of self-righteousness that if I dared to doubt them it was I who was out of God’s will. I usually ended up in tears, in shock or numb after a session as a berating would follow. I was told that they didn’t like the way I spoke to them and should apologise. I was told I didn’t have a relationship with God if I was thinking like that. It was demanded of me that I submit to my husband in every way and every decision in our marriage was his to make, not a joint one. OI Leaders and their wives lied repeatedly to me about their marriage and experiences in an effort to control me and keep a very unhealthy control and knowledge about my life. They delighted in making my life a misery if I showed any resistance to what they were demanding.

I did. There is a huge power differential between leaders and the people! They told me they were very concerned about me which only made me try harder to please them. I did say to one leader “Do others believe what we believe?” and his response was “I’m not sure but if they do, they are right too”. Others questioned my faith and said I needed to be better. I did not understand many of the prophecies saying how special to God we were, that we were a ‘royal priesthood’ and ‘holy nation’ but was told to just accept what is being said by faith. OI doesn’t encourage critical thinking or enquiring minds. I would love some accountability for the many incongruous things we were counselled in but that has never happened. It has been said that those who reject their history are condemned to repeat it.
In her book, ‘Leaving the Fold’, Marlene Winell talks about ‘group think’. She says “Conformity is reinforced within the group…..self criticism is encouraged, individual differences discouraged. Expressing doubts or ideas that are unorthodox usually means punishment of some kind, from silence to outright ostracism. This group approval or disapproval is powerful enough to manipulate behaviour….”

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I would tell them to beware, do research, and read other literature on cults that may help them see similarities with OI. A website such as this one would be also invaluable if they were prepared to read.

do not join it is a pack of lies and they only really want you for what money you can give , they seem nice until you are in and then show their true colours, by the time you realise what is going on you are isolated from your friends and family, especially if they are not in OI and end up staying as you have no where else to go and if you do leave you have no support I was in OI for over 30 years so I count my self really lucky that my family has stayed together

It is a Cult! Beware! The devil is like a roaring lion, you will be devoured. This is not a place to be involved in!

Make sure you retain integrity with yourself and hold true to your sense of what is right and never give another person allegiance over honoring what you know to be true and honorable in your own heart.

Beware! If you are in OI, you are trapped and under the misconception that you are ‘doing God’s will’, by creating friendships and beginning relationships all conditional on whether you join OI or not. State upfront you are not interested in joining OI and I guarantee their invites and interest in you will wain. That’s because they are on a misguided recruitment drive, reporting back to the OI Group on your progress. This can go for years as they woo you. They seem like such lovely Christian people, but OI is built on a foundation of deception and control.

Research information on this Site and talk to people. Listen to podcasts. Fully explore OI’s culture and ask why members move around the world to different cities and visit different churches. I would tell them that despite their claims, OI is NOT special to God and there are thousands of groups around the world that preach that they are spiritually superior, led by charismatic leaders. OI is NOT unique. Ask to see prophecies. Ask about women’s roles in the Church. Ask them if they know that 27 leaders have been stood down since 1975 because they did not measure up up to the Founder’s expectations. Ask what would happens if they disagree with a Leader. Tell them that the Founder says the people should be eating mince but feed him steak.Tell them that the Founder believes he had a major role in bringing down Communism when he visited the Soviet Union (its what the Founder of the Moonies espoused too!). It’s been said that if the Leader can do no wrong, you may be in a cult. Explore enmeshment, spiritual abuse and grandiosity. How can 200 people out of 7.5 billion worldwide, believe they are the ‘ones’?

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I have family members still in OI. I do not hear from them at all. It hurts me to think that OI still has a hold on them, they are blinded to the truth, that OI is not a real Church, never has been. When they don’t do things for communities, or allow outsiders in, remain exclusive. Numbers I believe have dwindled, they are looking for vulnerable people to join? I have said this to my brother onthe few times I did hear from him, after he was put out of the Church. I would encourage him, in any way I could depending on what was happening with. His fear was loosing his family. Like many others if one partner was out of OI, it was extremely hard for them and living in fear of consequences and repercussions of loosing their families.
I did say to him on numerous occasions, one thing that has been my saving Grace, is to remain with my integrity and tell him to do the same. Integrity is worth more than OI.

I would like to say SO much, but tragically nothing I say will get them out.
One day I might say to them that I want them to be free to give, experience and receive love unconditionally, because God is love. OI is NOT God. I was always remain hopeful that they will be enlightened and leave. When they reach their tipping point I will be there with open arms.

Again, OI is NOT unique. The power, control and hold it has over people is NOT normal; it’s so wrong. Churches are not meant to run peoples lives. Leaders are not meant to be given this much adulation and power over people. A quote I once saw said “A good leader shines a light on the path; they are not meant to control the journey”. OI is NOT what it preaches. Trust your own gut instinct and intuition. Don’t seek advice from within OI (you’ll just get bias confirmation) but rather, think for yourself and research outside the group.